How to navigate Valentine’s Day if you’re newly single.
When there’s romance all around, it can feel particularly painful if you have recently been through a break up - whether that’s the end of a marriage or any kind of relationship.
Here are my 5 top tips for getting through it.
1. Notice the story you are telling yourself
When we’re feeling heartbroken, our minds love to tell us that we’re the only person on our own and everyone else is being showered with gifts and love on Valentine’s Day. If this happens, pause and ask yourself is this really true? Chances are that’s absolutely not the case, and your mind is simply playing tricks on you. Remember, not everyone who is in a relationship is in a happy one, and not everyone who is single feels alone.
TIP: When you catch yourself going down this route, call it out for what it is – a bullshit belief and then replace it with a different narrative eg: I may be single this Valentine’s Day, but I love myself and I get to choose how I spend the day (even if you don’t believe this right now, try repeating it out loud to yourself ie: fake it until you make it).
2. Allow yourself to feel all your emotions – however messy
Know that it’s ok to feel whatever feelings are coming up. Putting on a brave face and hiding how you really feel never works for long; as psychologist Carl Jung famously said ‘What we resist persists’.
TIP: If you feel you need to suppress your emotions at work or in front of your kids, allow yourself some time in the day to let the emotions out when you’re on your own (or with an understanding friend). Maybe set a timer for 15 minutes and allow yourself to cry, rage, yell – whatever feels most appropriate.
3. Give yourself the love that you are no longer receiving
Isn’t it crazy that when we feel unloved, we often perpetuate that feeling by neglecting ourselves? Instead, try to make loving yourself a priority; whether that’s by moving your body (Valentine’s Day yoga class anyone!?), prioritising your self-care by taking a long relaxing bath, making a delicious nutritious meal or buying yourself some beautiful flowers. These simple acts reinforce that we are worthy of love.
TIP: However unloved or unloveable you feel right now, remember that you deserve love, and that starts with you!
4. Gratitude is the ONLY attitude
With all the stress hormones that break-up releases swirling around in our systems, it’s so important to take some time in your day to increase your feel-good hormones. A simple gratitude practice can do just this.
TIP: Take a moment to think of 3 things that you are grateful for – and as you visualise those things, really tap into how that feels in your body. It can be as simple as, ‘I am grateful that I get to sleep in a warm comfortable bed’, and feel your body relax a little as it releases dopamine into your system – THE feel good hormone.
5. Be in the moment.
If you feel like your world has fallen apart, try to take each moment as it comes, by finding ways to be present rather than focus on all the what-ifs and fears for the future.
TIP: Find a way to shift your focus from your busy mind into your body. Exercise and meditation are obviously great, but for a super quick shift, rub your index finger and thumb together for 10 seconds and really focus on the sensations. A super quick and easy way to bring yourself back to the here and now.
